Here we go …

… in comes the port, then in comes the chemotherapy, and then surgery and, Lord willing, bye bye cancer!  So, it feels like tomorrow’s our big launch of this medical journey.  I think the poking, proding and peeing to date pales in comparison to what lay (or is it lays or is it lie?) ahead.

We’re glad to get started.  As an update from our last post, I passed the pee test:)  So, we’re all set for the port to be installed tomorrow at 9:45.  They’ll also do another biopsy for a tissue sample and, in that process, insert a metal ‘clip’ that will help them monitor the tumor by marking the center for future sonograms and surgery.  Not quite clear on exactly what the anesthesia will be but I know I’ll be out and the port will go in.  They say the port is a bit bigger than a quarter and will be a couple inches below my collarbone.

I’ve been a little sad the last couple of days about weaning Linc.  I know he’s totally fine and doesn’t much know the difference but it’s been physically and emotionally painful. I was telling Scott in the car on Monday night that I was sad – just feels like I’m cutting off a life-giving source that God designed to feed Linc and, before my body or Linc naturally wean, I’m painfully cutting off the supply.  As I was telling him, as if on cue, Martina McBride starting singing her cancer song.  As the Lord would have it, I heard it for the first time on the Wednesday (earlier this month) between the Tuesday when we knew something was amiss and the Thursday when the cancer was confirmed.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing – a sweet reminder that my family, friends (y’all) and especially Jesus were “gonna love me through it.”  So, on Monday night, I had a good cry with Martina.  I heart country music.  As my friend Mel (aka, Big Mama) said recently –  I can find a country song (preferably from the 70s) to summarize almost all of life’s situations.  In this case, I didn’t have to find it – it just keeps coming on the radio at the most perfect times.   I asked Scott to sit quietly while I cried and she sang.  He doesn’t share my love of country music so he was kind to endure my ‘moment with Martina.’

Lots of PINK LOVE this week … pink cupcakes on my porch tonight from Sophie, pink bag filled with everything-a-girl-could-possibly-need-for-being-laid-up-and-not-feling-so-good from Alyson, and a real fun box of survival goodies for me, Linc and the hounds from Chandra and Linde.  And that doesn’t include the dinners!  Lots of fun things to come home too.  Lots of sweet friends.  Lots of love. 


We continue to feel supernatural peace.  There’s no other explanation than the Lord.  Y’all are praying –  we need it and feel it! He’s hearing us and answering.  We’re thankful!

I’d love your continued prayers for doctor’s wisdom and the procedure tomorrow. I’d also love your prayers for physical pain with the weaning (if the pain continues it will be a bonus to have pain meds tomorrow!) and my heart to accept this as part of the process – albeit a part I really don’t like.  And, I’d love your prayers for Linc.  He’s had several sweet babysitters this week – he had 2 different ones today while I went to Baylor for my urine test and went to the dentist (can’t do dental work once chemo starts because of mouth sensitivity but also because of risk of cuts/infection).  Thankfully, Linc did great for Alyssa and Auntie Cheryl and was a happy camper when I came home.  Again, he seems totally fine and resilient – but just sad reality for me more than him.  It’s a crazy situation where he’ll be with so many other people than us over the next few months.  Thankfully, they’re willing to help and they love him and enjoy him and he loves them!  My mother in law came in from Tyler today.  We’re thankful for her willingness to stay for a couple of days while we’re gone tomorrow and likely be a little drowsy for the rest of the night.  She’s great with him.  And great for us!  And we’re thankful for so many folks that love our baby are willing to take care of him for us.

We’ll give you an update tomorrow after the procedure.  Thanks for praying.



7 thoughts on “Here we go …

  1. We are praying for you and will be lifting you and your precious family up through this process. Your strength and faithfulness during this time is a true blessing to witness. May you continue to feel those loving reminders that He is with you and surrounding you with His perfect love.

  2. Jen, Doug and I will be praying for you and your family this morning as you go through this process. I can’t help but think of all the other lives you’ll touch as they see the Lord lead you through this journey. God is good! Love ya!

  3. Jennifer,
    I’m lifting you up, dear friend, and claiming these promises from Isaiah 42:16:
    I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
    I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.
    These are the things I will do;
    I will not forsake them.

    You are dearly loved!
    Jill Moore

  4. Praying for God’s faithfulness to Matthew 11:28 and Romans 8:28 that He would give you rest and work for your good, glorifying His love in the process.

  5. Father God, we thank you for the joy, faith, and grace You’ve given the Clouses. We thank you that they use even this to glorify You and make the most of a God-given platform. We pray for mercy. We ask for peace. We trust Your unending love and provision. As Jennifer has pain from weaning and surgery, we pray for comfort from the Healer. We pray for endurance and eternal perspective. We pray for You to fil her up from head to toe as she grieves weaning Linc. Be her hope. Be her friend. And use her to reach the lost, the lonely, and the unlovely. Thank you for her contagious faith in Jesus, the perfecter of our faith. Perfect our faith as we love the Clouses and draw them daily into an abiding love with Jesus. In His Name. Amen.

    So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:16

    Love and prayers from Jessica, Kirk, Luke, Zach, and Chloe Bargenquest

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