God knew everything about today when he brought Juan Angel and Juan Carlos into our lives on May 31st. It was a sad day when they arrived at Gigi’s – they were picked up from school and brought to her house with nothing but backpacks and haven’t been home since. But, over the last 9.5 months, they got a new home, new school, new friends and, for Angel, a new faith in Jesus Christ. So, today, it’s sad to give them back, celebrate the 9.5 months of loving them, and trust the Lord with their family and future. Love is much harder than chemo! But, as I kept telling Gigi, if we hadn’t loved them so much it wouldn’t hurt so bad … and what’s the alternative? Do we not love deeply so that we won’t hurt deeply!? I’m thankful that my heart hurts much more than my body. There are pills for body pain (thankfully, I still don’t need any!) but none for heart pain. I’m thankful to have loved big. Even if, right now, it also hurts big.
I went with Gigi to take them to the CPS office. They sang on the way over about the joy of the Lord, we talked about who all was gonna miss them (the list was long thanks to many friends who have welcomed them and loved them), and prayed for them. We were expecting to unload them to the CPS worker to take to their parents but, as we pulled into the parking lot, we saw their parents’ car. This was tough because not what we’d told them, or ourselves, to expect. And, in all the shuffle and their excitement to see their siblings (they’re 2 of 6 and Gigi’s boys were the last to go home), they were crammed into the car before we had our expected hugs and goodbyes. In that moment, it’s hard not to make it about us and get them out of the car so we can get the hugs we want. Maybe the Lord knew our hearts couldn’t handle a long-tearful-bear-hug-(Angel especially loves bear hugs)-goodbye?! So, the hard part is over for today. And now we pray. And expect to see them later this week (to take more of their stuff) and, Lord willing, for many years to come. There’s no other way to endure than to trust that the Lord has ’em. And us.
And, in the meantime, we have sweet pictures and notes like this one. Juan told Gigi he wanted to write us a note all week long and came in this morning so proud of it.
Lulu, Linc, Scott
We love you
Gigi, Angel, Sadie, and Juan
I cried. And he asked why. I said I was gonna miss him and Juan reached up to wipe away my tears. Love hurts more than chemo.