Where’s that button again?!

I don’t think I appreciated the greatness of the pain pump when I was in the hospital. Dilaudid, dilaudid, where did you go, my friend?!

I was all fussy pants in my last entry and at last biopsy about pain during the biopsy and unappreciative of the fact that I had ZERO pain or discomfort afterwards. I think that’s because my body was happily doped up on Dilaudid so never felt a thing. This time, after ample warning and ‘eye to eye’ clarification with doctor about what I didn’t want to happen again, he let them numb me up good and gave enough Versed to put me to sleep this time … Ahhh. Mucho mas major! However, the biopsy hangover is a bit more intense. I am still in my pajamas and happy not to go anywhere until I get Linc at school at noon.

Thanks for praying. I felt real loved by your texts and comments and prayers. And, He answered! We got through the biopsy and have packed my tissue in a box I gave them from my nurse (it was ‘bring your own box’ for liver parts!) that is now shipped to who-knows-where for its evaluation. And, they confirmed that they got enough extra tissue for local pathology to review as well. My doctor wants lots of tests run that could possibly help us in the future even if not now.

I have intended to send a list of specific requests that are on my heart but have been delinquent in doing so. For now, I will share two that are top of mind. After I pick up Luncoln, my dear friend from college (Hite) and I will go see my grandmother. This has been my Thursday plan with Lincoln for the last 18 months or so – when we moved her into an assisted living facility. Scott and I have wanted to build a home for ourselves and for her to live with us and have been processing that decision with friends (and our finances!) for several months. The catalyst for me was to have a home large enough that she could live with us and have a comfortable space of her own. Our plan, at Christmas, was that we were gonna wrap a house key and that would be our official invitation to live with us once the house was built. Naturally, other developments on 12.6 have caused us to rethink everything. I would still very much love to have a home where she could live with us. And, I would love a a little more space to enjoy with Scott and Lincoln as well as the ability make space for others as needed (besides my grandmother). And, now, in addition to those desires, I find myself wanting to get Lincoln and Scott settled in a little less cozy (1100 sq ft) place before, as the Lord ordains my days, I go to the most glorious of all Homes prepared for me. Since Scott is a builder and it’s his passion to design and create things, this house of which I speak wouldn’t be something we would buy and move into … But something we would BUILD and move into. And our plan has been to build on our lot so this requires relocation and my idea of hell is having to move every day (just one of thousand of reasons to trust Christ as my Savior and spend eternity with Him in heaven!). With all that said, here are my 2 requests:
1. That I would outlive my 95 (96 on March 1) grandmother. She knows and trusts the Lord with her days as well but it would be very painful to have to bury your husband (April 1992), only son and my dad (February 1993), and your granddaughter.
2. That the Lord would grant us wisdom and discernment about if/when to build and if/when to bring her to live with us. In many ways this seems crazy but in more ways than crazy, it just seems right (to care for her in our home with home health support and resources as needed). Once the Lord put this idea on Scotts heart (before we moved her to assisted living) and then on mine, it has become a desire and dream I don’t want to surrender. But, if that is beyond what the Lord has planned for us (or too much for Scott), we want to hold it loosely too.

So, as I head to Grand Prairie to spend the afternoon with a 3 year old and 95 year old (thanks to help from Hite!), I would ask for your prayers for Gods grace and wisdom and kindness regarding these things that are heavy on my mind and heart.

With love and thanks (but without proofreading …),
Jen

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11 thoughts on “Where’s that button again?!

  1. Jen, thanks for sharing your heart with all of us lifting you in prayer. I love praying specifically and so now I can hone in on asking for God’s clear guidance on your family’s living arrangements. Praying specifically that the pathologists reading the biopsies and all others concerned will have wisdom and discernment for future decisions regarding your treatment. I’ve seen God give physicians Divine discernment and at the perfect timing for God to be glorified. Thank you for taking us with you on this journey. I know every one of us reading this is thanking Jesus for his faithfulness and strength displayed in your life. Jen, sending hugs and many, many prayers!
    KAREN

  2. Ive been waiting on pins and needles for your blog today. Thank you for keeping us all so informed! Thankful for answered prayers on a painless biopsy and for great meds like Dilaudid! Im praying for you, Scott, Linc q day and specifically on this request. Much love always!!!! HUGS

    duzer123@aol.com

    karen

  3. Was praying for today and so thankful you didn’t have pain like last time. I love your heart and Scott’s heart for your grandmother and will be praying specifically for what you shared. I love you friend.

  4. I am so encouraged by your blog and just thankful for your faith and your candor. I am sure the Lord is pleased with how you are wrestling with this — especially considering your grandmother and her needs ahead of your own. Praying for you!

  5. Bev and I are praying for you, Scott and Linc and have our home fellowship from Countryside Bible in the loop. You encourage us! We love you and the family. Praying for that visit this afternoon with grandmother.

  6. Jen, may the Holy Spirit sustain you. You’ve impacted me more than you now. I am blessed with a husband and four daughters, none of which are unhealthy. Your faith in our God reminds me of who He is and promises to always be. Rest assured your story is unfolding as it should and is a blessing beyond what you can comprehend!
    Many hugs,
    Laura

  7. Hi Jen. My name is Traci Epps and I work for and am friends with Randy and Debbie Jeffers. I have been praying for you since July of 2012. Randy shared your story with me at that time and I have been so moved for your love of our Lord and Savior Jesus! I am heartbroken you are on this journey again but as you so sweetly say in your messages, “God has our days ordained and He is so faithful to walk this journey with you!” I pray for your pain to be minimal or better yet non existent and for you and your family to see many blessings and miracles in the middle of this storm! I look forward to meeting you one day and please know how special you are to many who have not even met you!
    God Bless!
    Traci

  8. Pingback: Finally. Biopsy results. And good news! | Pink. Pray. Love.

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