I don’t think I appreciated the greatness of the pain pump when I was in the hospital. Dilaudid, dilaudid, where did you go, my friend?!
I was all fussy pants in my last entry and at last biopsy about pain during the biopsy and unappreciative of the fact that I had ZERO pain or discomfort afterwards. I think that’s because my body was happily doped up on Dilaudid so never felt a thing. This time, after ample warning and ‘eye to eye’ clarification with doctor about what I didn’t want to happen again, he let them numb me up good and gave enough Versed to put me to sleep this time … Ahhh. Mucho mas major! However, the biopsy hangover is a bit more intense. I am still in my pajamas and happy not to go anywhere until I get Linc at school at noon.
Thanks for praying. I felt real loved by your texts and comments and prayers. And, He answered! We got through the biopsy and have packed my tissue in a box I gave them from my nurse (it was ‘bring your own box’ for liver parts!) that is now shipped to who-knows-where for its evaluation. And, they confirmed that they got enough extra tissue for local pathology to review as well. My doctor wants lots of tests run that could possibly help us in the future even if not now.
I have intended to send a list of specific requests that are on my heart but have been delinquent in doing so. For now, I will share two that are top of mind. After I pick up Luncoln, my dear friend from college (Hite) and I will go see my grandmother. This has been my Thursday plan with Lincoln for the last 18 months or so – when we moved her into an assisted living facility. Scott and I have wanted to build a home for ourselves and for her to live with us and have been processing that decision with friends (and our finances!) for several months. The catalyst for me was to have a home large enough that she could live with us and have a comfortable space of her own. Our plan, at Christmas, was that we were gonna wrap a house key and that would be our official invitation to live with us once the house was built. Naturally, other developments on 12.6 have caused us to rethink everything. I would still very much love to have a home where she could live with us. And, I would love a a little more space to enjoy with Scott and Lincoln as well as the ability make space for others as needed (besides my grandmother). And, now, in addition to those desires, I find myself wanting to get Lincoln and Scott settled in a little less cozy (1100 sq ft) place before, as the Lord ordains my days, I go to the most glorious of all Homes prepared for me. Since Scott is a builder and it’s his passion to design and create things, this house of which I speak wouldn’t be something we would buy and move into … But something we would BUILD and move into. And our plan has been to build on our lot so this requires relocation and my idea of hell is having to move every day (just one of thousand of reasons to trust Christ as my Savior and spend eternity with Him in heaven!). With all that said, here are my 2 requests:
1. That I would outlive my 95 (96 on March 1) grandmother. She knows and trusts the Lord with her days as well but it would be very painful to have to bury your husband (April 1992), only son and my dad (February 1993), and your granddaughter.
2. That the Lord would grant us wisdom and discernment about if/when to build and if/when to bring her to live with us. In many ways this seems crazy but in more ways than crazy, it just seems right (to care for her in our home with home health support and resources as needed). Once the Lord put this idea on Scotts heart (before we moved her to assisted living) and then on mine, it has become a desire and dream I don’t want to surrender. But, if that is beyond what the Lord has planned for us (or too much for Scott), we want to hold it loosely too.
So, as I head to Grand Prairie to spend the afternoon with a 3 year old and 95 year old (thanks to help from Hite!), I would ask for your prayers for Gods grace and wisdom and kindness regarding these things that are heavy on my mind and heart.
With love and thanks (but without proofreading …),