No Go for Chemo…

New experience today. Got labs and then they were even slower than usual in chemo waiting room with lots of follow up (aka, acting weird) and then the chemo nurse came out with ‘serious face’ and said that my white blood counts are too low for chemo today.  While this is expected side effect for all chemotherapy I haven’t had this problem. Then the nurse added that Gemzar is especially notorious for causing white blood cell counts to drop real low. So instead of chemo she gave me a booger of a shot in my belly to stimulate bone marrow and cell count and we will try again tomorrow. 

Dr. Osborne looked at ‘the girls’ again and thinks we should stay the course with Bactrim and chemo and doesn’t think we need to see infectious disease doctor since I don’t have fever. That was followed by a lecture about fevers and a horror story about a woman who didn’t wake up because of internal infection and she got my attention. I need to take temps a couple times a day. Thankfully I feel fine (low energy but fine…) but that doesn’t serve well to remind me to take my temperature.

While I was headed to chemo Lincoln was headed to our mom-taught preschool with his Aunt CC instead of me. On the way there, he told her she went the wrong way. Really? He has no idea where it is. However, he was right. But then he conceded that even with his help they were both lost. He’s a verbal opinionated adorable nut. Think that’s Lewis DNA or Clouses?

And then while we were waiting for the chemo nurse to confer with Dr. Osborne I got this text:  

Since I’ve been sick again our Chapel School kids and families have been so faithful to pray for me. The kids have a special prayer they pray each week for me:

Dear Lord, 

Please heal Mrs. Clouse today.

Make her strong to the finish either way.

You may say yes, you may say no …

To your throne of mercy we always go.

On the white board behind them you can see the prayer (not that any of them can read!) but, even sweeter, look at those little clasped hands praying for his Mama. So so precious. What a gift to me! I know we all talk about trusting our kids to the Lord but I feel like I am getting a crash course. And thankful that the Lord loves him even more than Scott and I ever could. And my hope and prayer is that cancer gives him the gift of an early dependence on his Savior. Though he told us out of nowhere this weekend that ‘I haven’t asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins. But I will later.’ I then we asked if he knew what sin was. And just as confidently he said ‘no.’ And that makes us laugh because though we haven’t told him needs to ‘ask Jesus to forgive him for his sins’ we have had ample opportunities to explain sin! Lots of teachable moments for that from a 3yo as well as a 43yo! Clearly I am not the best teacher. Where do they get this stuff?


20 thoughts on “No Go for Chemo…

  1. Love the pic of sweet Linc praying for his momma!! continued prayers for Clouse family and wisdom/discernment for y’all!

  2. LOVE that sweet prayer! Sorry for that ugly shot! Would you like me to text you throughout the day to take your temperature? You know I like to be able to use my “not so exciting” gift of administration. Just let me know! Love you!

  3. Jen, the entire Wednesday Watermark Bible study leadership prayed for you this morning. And then precious Su Goldenberg told me, “One thing cancer has done for me is to reveal how loved I am!” I pray the same for you. ❤

  4. What a sweet little man you have in Lincoln! You remain in my prayers, friend–I actually had a dream about you the night before last! The Lord puts you on my heart daily, and I am thankful for the opportunity to direct prayers to Him (with help from your updates about specific requests)! Is there anything is could do to help you or your family this week? Errands, groceries, anything?

  5. I am thankful for the opportunity to pray for you and your family. You all have been an amazing picture of faithfulness to us all.

  6. Ok….updates help us (Estes and Lees) pray more specifically!!! Faithfully upholding you each day… For peace, energy, no pain, and encouragement!! You are amazing!!!!
    Belly shots and exploding boobs give me ” pause for MORE PRAYER!!!!
    I can feel your laughter and joy in Jesus!!!

  7. Jennifer, I must admit, this journey has been amazing for you and all who are blessed to know you. You are a constant reminder of how we are to depend on our Heavenly Father. Thanks for that. On another note, after talking with you and reading your updates, so many phrases now cause some pretty crazy pictures to pop into my head. Phrases like exploding boobs and selfies and belly shots and the broken road; the list goes on and on. Thank you for that, too. Love you and praying for all of you.

  8. Linc and his backseat driving…hilarious. Maybe equal counts Lewis/Clouse Opinionated DNA? Praying for your counts to come up! Love! >

  9. Jen, I don’t know you but I’m a mom of 3 kids (ages 5, 3 and 1) and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in October and am currently undergoing chemo in the north Dallas area as well. I want you to know how much I admire your humor and grace as you travel this journey. This cancer business is no joke but as mamas we have to keep living our lives and making things fun and as normal as possible for our kids. 🙂
    I pray for you every day and just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you!

  10. What a precious prayer! I love the trust it expresses. So sorry about that darn white count. Hoping chemo was a go today. So glad you are not suffering side effects such as nausea. God is using you in a mighty way!! Will continue to beg Him for complete healing. You are so loved by so many. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  11. Oh my goodness Jen. Those precious tiny hands got me. I so enjoyed meeting you (I felt like I knew you already), and you’ve got prayers from me. I’m not sure if Melanie told you about my friend Tracy or not…but she’s 37 now, first diagnosed at 29. I can tell you the long version if you want to hear it sometime. But the short version is after a mastectomy, chemo, radiation…and after battling breast cancer twice….and then the cancer that metastasized to her lungs, she was told that she would never be off chemo and she was given only months to live. That was over 2 years ago. And she’s not just surviving, she’s living! I know that you know that our God still performs miracles, but sometimes hearing about them is good for the soul. Lots of love and prayers! xoxo, Sheaffer 🙂

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