Good News. Bad Mom.

Since you read this blog to share in our cancer journey (rather than my parenting!) I will start in order of priority for you. Even though, thankfully, I am much more attune to the latter than the former. 

Cancer is now our normal and as my chemo schedule changes to every other week I am finding a rhythm that makes this normal more manageable. My body is able to recover between infusions and my platelets, white bloods cells and neutrophils are able to bounce back without the shots that have us playing the schedule guessing game related to when we will have chemo (or not). So I am thankful for this new schedule and more predictable blood work. And, in today’s pre-chemo blood work, Dr. Osborne was excited to report that my tumor markers in the liver are stable or declining. And, my completely inflated and off-balance boob is back to ‘normal’ … This is all super encouraging news that the chemo is working! It’s taking a hit on some other things (potassium, iron, magnesium and today my blood pressure was 165/40😁) so we are managing side effects while thankful for medicine and doctors that the Lord uses to sustain my life as long as He ordains.
And in an effort to prepare my heart for the expected likely abrupt end (prognosis is average of 26 months from stage 4 diagnosis – December 2014 for us) of my earthly life, I have been studying Heaven with a few dozen women this summer. If you are in Dallas and want to join me, come on! It’s super fun and encouraging for this life and the next! My friend Kay and I alternate leading and we meet for 7 weeks at Northwest Bible from 930-11 on Tu. you are all welcome – unless you’re a man:) Can email my friend Eraina at neighborhoodstudies@gmail.com for the book info and electronic copy of the study guide. 

And, on the family front, some girlfriends and I took our kiddos to my friend Lezleys’ parent’s lake house last week. Linc loves having his friends and swimming all day and snacking on Cheetos puffs (see below) and I like my friends and being at the pool all day too (minus the puffs!) so it’s a win win.

However, some times I get really mean and demand that he eat protein or can’t have candy for breakfast or help clean up. And his response to one of these was a very loud announcement that ‘you are not even the best mom in the whole world…’ Really?! I think I know that but thanks for reminding me with your grateful heart. And if that wasn’t insulting enough for a 4 year old he followed that by saying, ‘even though you think you are!’ What?!?! Look, little man and ‘threenager’ (who needs to get the memo that he’s 4 since I’ve heard it’s better and need him to play along!), I may be foolishly arrogant about some things but it ain’t my parenting. I replied with all the sincerity I have to say ‘you’re right, I am not the best mom in the whole wide world.’ And tried not to die laughing. 
So, little man, when and if you ever read this, I hope it makes you laugh too. And I hope you have learned to accept the Lords sovereignty to give you ‘not even the best mom in the whole world.’ But for my many failings I can assure you that I love you and adore you and delight in you. Even when it’s not always mutual.

And while I wrap up in the chemo chair, he is with his Aunt CC and a friend Amanda who asked me if she could take him to ‘Build a Bear’ and make a bear with recordings of messages from me embedded in his little friend. How precious is that? And this …?  

It’s good to be loved. At 4 and at 43! Thanks for loving our family, friends.

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14 thoughts on “Good News. Bad Mom.

  1. Rejoicing with you over good news and I’m totally going to steal your “threenager” word!!! That is exactly what we have over here too:). Love love love learning about heaven with and from you on Tuesdays!! 💓💓💓💓

  2. Lincoln may not think you are the world’s greatest Mom every day….though he really doesn’t think that…but he cannot deny he is your son. Wow does he look like you!!!
    He is so blessed to be the son of you and Scott…,and a child of The King!

  3. Yeah for good news! My dear friend Jill lived almost 12! years from a stage 4 diagnosis. She was diagnosed in 1996 and died in 2008.  Medical science has come a long way in the last 19 years. I am pulling for you and all other BC patients. Keep advocating for yourself. Stay strong! Lisa   From: Pink. Pray. Love. To: lisa2659@yahoo.com Sent: Wednesday, June 10, 2015 12:39 PM Subject: [New post] Good News. Bad Mom. #yiv8397972614 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv8397972614 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv8397972614 a.yiv8397972614primaryactionlink:link, #yiv8397972614 a.yiv8397972614primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv8397972614 a.yiv8397972614primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv8397972614 a.yiv8397972614primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv8397972614 WordPress.com | theclousefamily posted: “Since you read this blog to share in our cancer journey (rather than my parenting!) I will start in order of priority for you. Even though, thankfully, I am much more attune to the latter than the former. Cancer is now our normal and as my chemo sc” | |

  4. I love you so much. You may not know it, but you have made a huge impact in my life – both pre-cancer as a mentor and post-cancer. And, seriously – I think the “4 is better than 3” is a LIE! Since our boys are just days apart, I completely “get it”!

  5. I love the idea of you as the voice of a bear. WAY less creepy than Teddy Ruxpin. Also LOVE the idea of tumor markers declining. And love YOU! >

  6. Happy to hear the results of your chemo and thankful for every day you are alive! And, I guess I am the best nene in the world – Cheetos puffs are a staple when he’s around. You are both loved so much!

    Mom

  7. GREAT news on the liver count…Thanks Abba for sustaining Jen! What a precious pic of Linc @ Build-a-Bear! Thanks for the update on the Bible study. Might try & come sometime as I work in the area. Will definitely pass this info along to a neighbor who is seeking Jesus.

  8. You are a lovely Mother and one of the best. You are doing one thing that is so great teaching him about our Lord Jesus Christ. It will stay with him is as long as he live. So quit being so hard on your self, you will be here until you have finished the plan GOD has send you here to do. Love you so much and so proud of you. Granny 

  9. So stoked about the good health news!!!! I love reading your Lincoln stories! He reminds me soooo much of my Jackson who is now 13 but gave me lots of laughs & gray hairs all at the same time! I am sure there are even more gray hairs to add in these teenage years(seems he’s been a teenager his whole life)…. Like little Lincoln! We need to get together & swap stories. Continuing to pray these drugs kick cancer’s a__! Thank you for sharing your heart with us. It/you is a gift.

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