As soon as you think you understand the program, you realize you don’t. With the change to every other week I presumed that my blood levels would bounce back and we would have chemotherapy as scheduled. Thought wrong. Today, my high school friends and I were joined by a dear friend and old neighbor named Julie Bell – she and I discussed that cancer regularly bursts the bubble of the “allusion of control.” That is true again today. I took labs and felt fine and waited for results in the chemo waiting room…
Standard protocol is that you get labs done and they wait for results and once the doctor clears you for chemo they mix your drugs. So it’s usually an hour or so wait between labs and chemo. It’s never good when the nurse comes to talk to you instead of just calling you back. When we heard my name called I jumped up to go in and I am pretty sure the girls and I let out an audible sigh when the nurse walked towards us instead of waiting for me to come back.
She ‘gave me the good news first’ that I would proceed with a bone strengthening infusion (once a month since bones weakened by cancer) BUT I wouldn’t have chemotherapy because my platelets were too low. Since me and my friends now think we are doctors, Jamie replied with … ‘So can she have a shot?’ but no-go because today it was my platelets that were too low (need to be 100 but were 46) and there is nothing they can do to elevate platelets.
And, I am kind of reading between the lines since I didn’t see my doctor today, but since she was pushing it to give me chemo two weeks ago when my platelets were at 92, I am presuming that it wasn’t worth rescheduling because it is unlikely they would rise 60 points in the near future. So, we will try again on my next scheduled chemo date – June 13th. And I got hints today that she is considering modifying my regimen because it seems that the side effects are a high risk. She may just lower one of the drugs or maybe try something else? They also mentioned waiting until my next scan (end of August) before changing the course of action. So, yet again, a holding pattern until the 13th. When I sent the chemo news to Scott today he replied with ‘this can’t be ideal.’ And I think that sums it up – in a much more concise way than I just did!
While all this was happening on the 3rd floor, Lincoln was with his Aunt CC who took him to meet with the child life specialist again – he jumped right in to playing with her which is really sweet. She’s a friend from Bible study years ago and a blessing that she is now paid (and free to us) to help families through hard seasons like ours. And that she knows Jesus!
After he finished with Emily, he came up to wait on Mama to finish chemo – and had a little lovins with his Aunt B. And ‘Nothing’ (as he named his lovey/dog).This Friday, he will meet again with the child life specialist – and a few of his friends. We are realizing that he’s not the only one that has questions and it’s sometimes hard for moms to know how to handle the little one with their questions about ‘Lulu’ (carryover from Lewis…). Emily is going to meet with my friends and our littles to help us all process and communicate effectively. There are so many days when I think this is entirely lost on Lincoln. And then there are other days, like today, when I realize he knows more than I give him credit for. As he got on the elevator to come up and wait for me, Aunt CC said he greeted another woman by saying “my mom has cancer…” She replied with, “… Well that makes two of us.” His little quips crack me up. Love him. And so thankful for the tender spot he has in many of your hearts that prompt prayers for his security and well being. We are grateful.