I haven’t felt so good lately and as a result even the most regular tasks seem a bit daunting – even updating the blog. And that’s especially pathetic considering I do it on my iPhone with dictation. It’s not like it’s hard for me to talk!
I had scans again on Thursday – of my abdomen and pelvis and chest as well as my neck. It was super cute and should have been a good sign that when Dr. Osborne texted me to ask if I could talk she had Christina in the room with her too. Apparently Dr O wouldn’t let Christina call without her and they waited to call until they could both be in the room and share the good news.
The overall report from the radiologist says “stable with moderate improvement.” Considering we would take stable as really good news it was actually wonderful news to hear ‘stable plus improvement.’ I’m crying as I say this. I see the kindness of our God in so many ways. My liver shows mixed results with some lesions that are bigger but some that are smaller. And the fluid that was around my liver is gone. My lungs are stable and the lymph nodes in my sternum and diaphragm are a mixed bag of growth and recession. We are thrilled! As the Lord sweetly ordained it, Scott had come home mid-day on Friday to pick me up to have lunch with him and his partner and employees so we were together to hear the good news. Those of you that know Scott well know that he is not even kind-of-sort-of-or-even-slightly-dramatic-or-super-expressive! He is my steady. But he was precious in his response of thanks to our God and a kiss for me. As Job talks about receiving good from the hand of the Lord as well as the bad it seems that we are so accustomed to accepting the bad that we were shocked and delighted with the good encouraging news.
As a result, we will stay the course with this chemotherapy of Taxotere every three weeks. As I’ve mentioned before using Dr. Osborne’s highway analogy, she expects that my cancer will eventually outsmart this drug and work its way around on an alternate path but, for now, we celebrate that the Lord has blessed me with more time with those I love on earth.
And now I’m bawling like a baby as I record this update for you all. Have I mentioned that our God is truly good, kind and always faithful? He has sustained us with bad news and then encourages us with good news.
On a day to day basis, I feel like I have more hard days than good days. Some days I’m just exhausted and other days I’m exhausted and also feel pretty crummy. Today it is both. I haven’t thrown up in a long time but, as I’ve shared before, sometimes it’s hard without an appetite to take medicine and, many days, not very much sounds good. Especially first thing in the morning. Today I may have overindulged with a shake from Harry’s as my only sustenance (only thing that sounded good) and my handful of medicines didn’t consider that adequate nutrition. So I took a handful of meds and before too long I was back in a familiar place over the toilet. Oh well. You win some and you lose (literally!) some.
Our little family is in a sweet season. Lincoln can go from a firecracker to a cuddle bug in less than three seconds. Often, when he comes home with Scott or from a play date, he finds me laying down which makes me a bit sad for his reality but he always runs to me and crawls up to cuddle with me on the couch or in bed. And in God’s kindness he recently told some friends of mine (his teachers at Chapel School) that what he loves about me is that I ‘play and build things with him.’ My friend shared that with me and it is a gift to know that his only thoughts of me aren’t as being sick or laying down. He also told the same friends that he loves his daddy because ‘he makes me eggs and the very best cinnamon toast.’ Adorable. Needless to say, his daddy takes on a lot of my jobs and is doing them very well. I am so thankful for such a fine father for the boy I love so much.
Thank you for following our journey and praying for us and serving us in countless ways. We are a blessed family. May the riches of the Lord’s blessings be yours today as well.