He’s got my whole brain in His hands…

This is overdue because it’s overwhelming. But because I can’t imagine any more days worth of information or drama to consolidate and because we want you in on the details with us, I write. I write from a cozy bed at a friend of Jamies’ farm in Athens (big hugs and thanks, Jenny to the G!) trying not to wake the snuggle bug between me and Scott and secretly (unlike Scotts affinity for a king-sized bed) loving all 3 of us crammed and cozy in a full-sized bed.  It’s getting super late and this seems a tad ridiculous at this hour but if I don’t write soon I may surrender and never come back.  Given this scenario, this post warrants a warning about lots of content (written by thumbs with limited light and late at night) that could leave you lacking or confused.  And, because it’s so long and you too may surrender and never come back, I thought this ‘novel’ could use a summary of its contents:

– Terrible Cold Turkey Tuesday

– Results of Brain MRI and Biopsy

– Grandma Vonie

– Few Farm Photos

Isn’t much of life a bit of a roller coaster? We rode the incredibly sweet high of Gods provisions for us last weekend with the easiest round of chemo that I’ve had in months and a direct answer to many prayers. I was in awe of my energy last Saturday. Simply being up before 8a is an impressive feat for me these days so arriving showered and dressed by 8:30 and talking until noon is downright monumental. As referenced in the last post, Heaven 101 was pretty much heavenly … Enjoying the presence of God among the people of God as we celebrated the hope of God.

And then there was Tuesday. I can’t even remember Monday because Tuesday pretty much overshadows the week.
I was scheduled for a biopsy on Tu morning and then an appointment with our oncological radiologist (Dr. Cheek) later the same day. I woke up feeling tired and told Scott I was ‘ok but not great.’ I had planned to lead our Bible study conversation but decided, as a friend drove me, that my ‘ok not great’ was trending the wrong direction and I punted to my friend/co-leader within 2 steps inside the door. And instead of enjoying the lesson I watched part of it through the window as I threw up in the garden outside and then I listened with my head on the table until it was time for an early exit to the biopsy. Jenn drove me and I texted Scott on the way saying ‘feel sooo bad.’ I waited horizontally in the lobby and then the real fun continued when I got back to the biopsy room and my mom, Jenn and Amy alternated between rubbing my feet and handing me buckets to throw up in (I still marvel that they could even stay in the room…) while Scott rubbed my back texted Christina and repeatedly said ‘I’m
So sorry babe…’. In his telling Christina of the pickle I was in, I wasn’t sure what she was going to do but I assure you I never dreamed it would be so sweet as to instantly appear with an IV pole from 3 floors above to this tiny biopsy room, access my port, and start pumping me with fluids and anti nausea meds. Scott, ever vigilant about inquiring if I took my pain meds (aka, annoying at times and it stinks even more when he’s right!), was unfortunately spot on (without me having a clue …) when he asked if I had changed my pain patch. I had mentioned it that morning and his fear was true. It is about 2″x4″ and sticks to my chest and lasts for 3 days (Fentanyl o’ greatness). It came off in the shower on Monday night so I didn’t re apply and decided it could wait until the morning – and then I forgot. Jenn offered to go home and get a new patch and Scott had her on her way immediately. 

As Christina’s anti nausea meds went in, so did the biopsy needle. It was numb but not numb enough and I just wanted to be done. Thankfully, Lamont is kind and quick and with quite the audience he took 5 samples of tissues and I was able to contain myself from throwing up on him. But, unfortunately, I still didn’t feel any better. When my patch arrived and after that I lay awhile longer on the biopsy table, I semi-clothed myself enough (imagine hospital gone w a robe and wheelchair … ) to stalk Christina for more medicine back on the 4th floor. About the time I hear someone from the hall announce my wretching with ‘there’s a sick one in room 1…’ Christina comes back in and to my rescue with additional pain meds. And questions … has anyone you’ve been around been sick? Did you eat anything funny last night? And then the kicker question came as Dr. Osborne rounded the corner to rub my back and join the discussion … how long did you have your pain patch off? when should it have been changed? Mr Medicine in the background piped in, checking the calendar on my phone with its notices about my medicine schedule, to inform all that not only was it off overnight but it should have been changed on Monday morning. The mystery was solved. Dr. Osborne explained that I had sent myself into withdrawals.

Yall. I was bit hard by a cold turkey. I had inadvertently and ignorantly sent myself into withdrawals from 100mcgs of some heavy duty pain meds 24-36 hours previously. Dr. Osborne begins commenting on my dilated eyes and trying to sweetly and gently describe ‘habituation’ versus ‘addiction’ but all I could think was … I only thought I had compassion on friends in South Dallas who desired to be clean but couldn’t shake their bad habits. Y’all. That. Was. Awful. And it made me angry and sad on behalf of people of all ages who get addicted and desperately want to be clean but have to try to subject themselves to such a horror as detoxification to do so. So, all the more, I admire the folks, especially those that may have limited support resources for the medical and emotional backlash, who fight through it and come out sober on the other end. I applaud you. And the facilities that help you fight for it.

And let’s just say I got a ‘crash course’ (pun intended) in opiod management. I honestly, until Christina educated me on the ‘heft’ of my patch compared to my seemingly powerful little pills for breakthrough pain (‘drop in the ocean by comparison…’), I really didn’t comprehend the magnitude of pain management I require for daily living. I was thinking that when the patch came off and I didn’t feel back pain I could wait until morning to re apply my patch. Never. Again. And this learning also came with a huge relief because I had a sense that the intensity of this incident seemed different than the intermittent vomiting episodes I have and am just really thankful that, Lord willing, this is something I can prevent ever. happening. again.

And, as if the body wasn’t already struggling, there were more hits to come. I got my first little dose of the impending bad news between vomiting episodes while Christina was hanging out with us in the biopsy room. I inquired, ‘have you seen the MRI report for the brain yet?’ In these cases, a pause is never good. She paused. And then replied, ‘I kept expecting that question yesterday…’ Hating that I was now putting her on the spot but sensing that she had information we wanted, I asked, ‘does anything in that report explain this vomiting?’ Oftentimes, headaches and vomiting are warning signs for neurological issues. Following her ‘yes and no’ comment she informed us that Cheek would have the detail we wanted but ‘yes’ the MRI showed additional brain metastasis and ‘no’ it didn’t explain the nausea because, thankfully, isn’t swelling around the lesions.

We proceeded as planned with the Dr. Cheek appointment at 2 and he confirmed that, since our last scan in November (which not only showed no new lesions it had healed so nicely from the previous stereotactic radiation that they couldn’t even see scar tissue!), we have 5 new lesions on my brain spread across the frontal lobe on left and ride sides. Not. Good.

The hopeful news is that, like we experienced last summer, they can be effectively and quickly addressed with very focused radiation to those specific spots. It is also an option to do ‘whole brain radiation’ which is less ‘efficient’ because this is daily radiation to the whole brain mass for 3 weeks but has upside of defense of lesions that are likely there and just not yet visible. The number of lesions I have is right on the cusp of the deciding line for whole brain or stereotactic. We initially opted for whole brain radiation because that option, though more intense and harder on brain, would help qualify me for a new trial being done for breast cancer patients with brain metastasis. However, we later read more fine print of that study and learned that I am excluded because I have previously had one of the drugs that is being studied. Boo. Big boo.
The sweet part of this story is that I can clearly see how the Lord was in the details to direct our course of treatment. Through a quick passing conversations with, Nancy, the research nurse I love who ‘just happened to be at her desk while I was waiting to talk to Christina…’ (aka providence that she was there at that time and our friendship is such that I wanted to stop and say hello) and a ‘random inquiry to Christina about when to consent for the trial’ (aka providence that the Lord prompted me to ask about signing consent forms to initiate the qualification process) and Christina’s reply of ‘let’s ask Nancy when we should sign…’ (aka providence of a thorough nurse) and Nancy’s quick opening of her protocol binder to the list of other exclusions (aka providence that Nancy is sooo detail oriented and good at her job and even remembered the name of one of many research drugs I was on last year!) to provide the right answer at just the right time. We learned all of this at the very end of the day on Thursday and were meeting the next morning with Dr. Cheek to map the whole brain radiation plan. Or not. Thanks to His providential direction. He’s got the whole world [and my whole brain!] in His hands…

So, on Friday, instead of outlining the plan for whole brain radiation we mapped a timeline for how and when to ‘zap’ these 5 spots on my brain which, we think, will be in ~2 weeks.
Also on Thursday, between my 2 scheduled appointments and providential unscheduled appointments, we loaded our brain with the news that the biopsy results confirmed that the lump on the left side is, unfortunately, cancer. The glimmer of good news arising from the cancer diagnosis is that we harvested tissue to test for additional bio markers and pathways that could help craft our treatment plan. We can’t easily extract tissue from the liver, brain, bones or bone marrow so I am praying that this additional tissue and testing provides a helpful piece of the puzzle.

And, one more thing … did I mention it was a wild week?! Well in between Wednesday and Thursday when I had 2 appointments at Baylor I also made 3 separate trips to Methodist Dallas. My precious grandmother was sent from her doctors office to the ER on Wednesday morning for a blood transfusion for anemia. And that went from simple to very serious after a short conversation about her congestive heart failure and 2 leaking heart valves and internal bleeding when we decided (with her totally alert, pain free, giving input and happy as a lark) that we wanted to pursue hospice care for her instead of intervention strategies. Yes. You read that right. She celebrated her 97th bday on Tuesday, went in for routine blood work on Wednesday morning after some shortness of breath for the previous week, and by the end of the day on Wednesday we had chosen an-home hospice care facility that would keep her as happy and comfortable and content as can be as her old body wears out. As she put it, ‘I’m allergic to pain and not scared to be addicted’ but that’s a little ironic from a woman who is only on a handful or so medicines a day and most of those are supplements. But, what really rocked her world when she got back to her facility was not the trip to the ER or plans for hospice care but that she somehow has bed bugs and was kicked out of her room! Can’t a 97 year old just listen to some sports, walk to the dining hall, talk on the phone and eat what she wants (…her only requests) and go be with Jesus in peace?! Ain’t nobody got time for bed bugs. That’s more than enough weekly drama for that beloved 97 year old – or this 44 year old.
It has to be enough because I’m afraid your fingers are tired from scrolling down on your screen and that there’s maybe only 3 of you, max, who are still reading. And since that’s probably just both of my moms and they know all of these stories firsthand from Baylor or Methodist maybe I’m writing for no one? For the other person, or maybe 2, who might still be reading I just want you to know that I am giggling at the thought of our ‘private conversation’ and admire your perseverance. 
And, whether you too feel like life is a wild ride or you’re being bitten by a cold turkey or you’re overwhelmed with more bad news or there’s been a ‘can’t handle one more thing…’ nuisance like bed bugs, I hope you too can see that He has the whole world in His hands. Because He does. And He loves you. And me. And my Grandma. 

And while I have no idea how or when this wild ride will end for her or for me, I know with great confidence Who will meet me and her on that glorious day. And I pray the same confidence for each of you.

I am held and loved. I feel as secure and cozy and content and happy as this little guy in his hammock. 

Please don’t eat him when you see him next.

We’ve also learned this week that when he grow up he ‘wants to be a tile layer and build houses with my daddy.’ We are starting him early. 

The ups and downs of life’s wild ride is better with friends. Thanks for being ours. And little man loves his. 

 And sometimes life just feels like too much. Like when I sat down and broke this chaise lounge.
 But at the end of the day, it’s being with the people we love that really makes life as sweet and messy and great as smores by the fire. 

 Goodnight💗

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96 thoughts on “He’s got my whole brain in His hands…

  1. As always, God is so good, funny, and timely. I had just gotten some bad news and decided to check my email and saw your post. I persevered, girl! Your updates always seat me firmly on that rollercoaster with you, but I love it, love you, and love how you point me back to Christ and my eternal perspective. I wish I could attend your studies and I wish I could physically be with you and massage your back and feet for you, but I’m trusting God has me where He has me for a reason. I love you and I’m always praying for you.

    Amy Massinger

  2. No way I could stop reading before the last word… Blessed as always by you sharing every facet of your journey Jen. Sending you love and hugs and prayers and hope and…you name it and it’s yours. So grateful we are all in the palm of His hand as securely as adorable Linc in the hammock. xoxoxo

  3. Jennifer, praying for you sweet sister. What keeps coming to kind with you is “way to be steadfast and bring glory to His kingdom during this trial”.

  4. I also persevered! And was riveted. I appreciate the details, especially when you feel so bad and you’re using your thumbs (how did you do it??) and have a lot to tell. I don’t know if you tire of hearing this, but you are amazing beyond words. I wish I knew you personally. Only know you because of this blog and from Big Mama’s book. God is using you and will continue to use you on Cancer 101 and Having an Eternal Perspective. Keep pointing us heavenward. Regardless of each our health situations, keeping our minds focused on eternity and what awaits us in Heaven gives comfort and peace and purpose. You have a richness of blessing with the family and friends you have to walk this journey with you. Truly blessed. Thank you for being so forthcoming with your illness. God bless you and Scott and Linc.

  5. Made it to the end. 🙂 I beg to differ w you, though–we love you and hang on each word. As I read, Unfailing God was playing in the background. How appropriate. Love seeing His unfailing love and care in each fetal, friend. Taking it all to Him. Thanks for letting us walk with you. xoxo

  6. Thank you for this. Your courage and grace are amazing….and contagious. Keeping you and your family in my prayers and hoping today is peaceful and relaxing. I will now be singing “He’s got the whole world in His hands” all day…makes for a beautiful Sunday!

  7. Hard to read this novel (not because of length- although noted) but because of reality. Love u friend. And needed a little uplifting this morning and loved the confidence in seeing Him on that glorious day part. Thank you for always encouraging me.
    PS: a tile layer in a polo is mighty cute

  8. I love every piece of detail and it is a gift to me to read every word you write. I hate all that cancer is and what it does to my friend. You never fail to point us to Truth and where our hope lies …love you so much friend. Praying for brain, any decisions, Scott, Linc and grandma.

  9. Jenn, you are a gift to all of us! God gave you the gift of words so that you might communicate to a watching people what God can do for a person who is sold out to Jesus, committed to Him, family and friends! Thank you for allowing us to snuggle up with the 3 of you as you go through this journey! With love, Dianne

    • What Dianne said times 2. That your 97 year old grandmother has to deal with bedbugs is a good reminder that no matter how long or how short our time on earth is, the world is not our home. You Jenn are a trailblazer for us.

  10. I guess I’m one of the two who read to the end. 🙂 Love and prayers -your faith and focus on Jesus through it all inspires me. – Sarah Taylor Walker

  11. The details are daunting and that’s why I LOVED the title of your post the moment I saw it. thankful for that truth that beckons and sustains through really really hard days. Love you.

  12. Don’t you be fooled for one second that you don’t have readers hanging on every word….you are loved beyond words, and we hang on the details to know how you are and how to pray for you guys. Love!!

  13. Of course I’m still reading to the last word as I always do. I pray for you without ceasing and have since you became ill. I have you on 3 prayer lists with the best Prayer Warriors in the world! I haven’t commented as I know you need all your energy to fight and what a fighter you are! You are such an inspiration to all. God is going mto heal you. My tears are flowing for you and your precious family. I love you. Mama Joyce

  14. Still with you in prayer to our Heavenly Father. Love that you are Enjoying a peace filled reprise from a crazy week.

  15. I read to the very end! Thank you, for the reminder of what is TRULY important while we are here on earth! Praying for you & your precious family!

  16. You set forth a challenge to read all and it is completed! Thanks always for sharing your journey, faithful servant. You are a witty sister in Christ! Prayers uplifted to God- peace, strength, perseverance come down from Him.

  17. Love you Jen…praying for you faithfully and so sorry my prayers aren’t doing more to off set this “momentary light affliction”. So grateful one day they will one way or another so thankful Jesus is winning in you everyday. You are a light and a blessing.
    Numbers 6:24-26

  18. Jen, your entire post is such an encouragement and inspiration. The way you confidently trust The Lord in the midst of really, really hard things is a reflection of His goodness and His power to hold you tightly. Your faith and peace helps me trust Him even more. Thank you for sharing the details of your ups and downs so that we know better how to pray for you, because we are praying.

  19. Beautifully honest and true, continue to keep you in our prayers and pray for peace and strength in the coming weeks and months ahead. You are loved and surrounded by some of the dearest family and friends it sounds like. Continue to rely on them , that’s what dear friends and family want. And continue to laugh when you can, truly the best medicine 💗

  20. I read the whole thing:)

    Love you, friend. Thanks for the very detailed description of your cold turkey experience. Very eye-opening.

    Also thanks for the updates and photos!! Praying fervently for you daily!!!

  21. Amazed once again by you, friend. Thank you for sharing details with all of us. Lisa forwarded me the text you sent her on Tuesday and I started praying for your brain then- right away. Now, I am even more blown away after hearing the rest of the story that God carried you through that awful day and you STILL WENT TO VOTE!! I feel like your vote should count more than once- just sayin. Lifting up you, your brain and your sweet grandma this morning to the Ultimate Healer. HUGS and FOOT RUBS!!

  22. Jen, I so enjoyed our time together talking about heaven at WM last Saturday. I loved having those thoughts to chew on throughout the week. Thank you for your late night tome to get us all up to speed on this week’s challenges. Your cold turkey explanation does give me a more compassionate perspective of those caught in drug addiction an the overwhelming beating it is to overcome it. Praying for you, ,Scott, and Lincoln this week,

  23. We are praying for you and your family, Jennifer. Much love …

    Glad my brother has the honor and blessing of treating you.

  24. Wow- I love how you share your heart. Not an easy ride but your love for Christ shines! Continuing to pray for you all! And I’ll be singing that sweet song all day! 😉

  25. Jesus is the author and perfecter of your story. You exude Jesus, even in the midst of throw up stories. Thank you for blessing each of us. Love & prayers
    Susan Lewis

  26. Gregg and I have been listening to the recording from last Saturday and we are in awe of the clarity with which you share your journey! Thank you for your authenticity and for proclaiming the goodness of the Lord to everyone you come in contact with!

  27. You have dedicated readers to your inspirational and amazing posts. You’re in my prayers. Now I’m going back to listen to Heaven 101!!

  28. I will read every word you write! Even though we haven’t met, you are precious to me. Your faith is so inspiring, and I pray for God to bless you every day.

  29. How could I not read every word? I didn’t attend Heaven 101 but i started listening to the audio yesterday and will finish today. To hear your voice on that – I can’t explain it! It’s just so damn good to hear your voice.

    Thank you for sharing all the details. This is everyone’s journey whether we have cancer or not so its a blessing to walk this path with you.

    Your sweet grandmother – is it bad that I’m actually relieved she may be headed home first?? I know that’s one of your prayers and I imagine the two of you having an inside joke on the rest of us of what you’ll be doing together in Heaven.

    Healing is guaranteed, but I want it to happen here so I still pray for your EARTHLY healing.

    Thank you for being YOU! You are a treasure to all of us!!!

    Juliann Delozier

  30. It looks like you have more than 3 readers. 🙂 I often have questions about Heaven (I lost a baby to a miscarriage– will he be there? Will he know me? Will he be an adult or a child?), so I look forward to listening to you Heaven class.

    God bless you and your family.

  31. I read all the way & always do. Thank you for being such a faithful servant to our Lord. He is using you in such powerful ways. Continued prayers!

  32. Thank you so much for the update! This post touched me on many levels. My father in law is in the last days/weeks? of stage 4 renal carcinoma. He had an MRI of his brain last week which showed nothing (thankful) but bone scan showed lesions on every bone. So painful. He too uses a Fentanyl, but not as much as the dr prescribed. I wish he had a medical team like you. We’ve been a little disappointed in his care. Also, my brother was an addict and died from an overdose. Coincidentally, he “scored” a Fentanyl patch and ingested it.
    Hope you feel better soon! I admire your strength. I wish our family could be as honest with each other on this journey but then again I think it comes back to an honest medical team. The saddest thing about this post? BED BUGS! Poor G’ma! Lincoln is adorable! Much love and prayers to you and your family!

  33. So much love and prayers from Nashville. I have been so blessed by listening to your podcast on Heaven. Thankful for your testimony and your zealousness for our God! You are a blessing through great trials. A true warrior!

  34. I read ALL the way thru girl and my thoughts are this… YOU are a warrior and I am humbled and proud to call you friend and teacher. Thank you for your willingness and strength to even type all of that out! If you can type it, I can surely take the time to read it and pray with you and for you! Angel, warrior, chosen, loved, teacher, mama, friend, wife, blessing. And there are a ton of names I left off. You are in one word…Amazing! By His grace and through His provision – much love and continued prayers. You are the shiz! Xoxo

  35. Jennifer your writing is so beautiful and eloquent and I feel like I am there with you when I read it. I remember you as a 5th grader very vibrantly in my mind. You were so smart then at the age and now all these years later to see you and your sweet boy is and amazing and moving. Your perseverance and bravery is truly overwhelming. I am not sure enduring my prayers for you old friend. You are truly a perfect example of living as a Christian in chriists example. I’m so incredibly heartbroken for this horrible battle you have to wage. I hold you and your husband, son, mom and all your community of friends and medical teams in my heart and prayers.
    Love to you, Tara Smith Hendrick

    • Sorry my texting was unclear there- I will not end my prayers for you and I believe in miracles. My sentence was lost in the middle. Sorry.

  36. Still reading? Of course!! And blessed by this “private conversation” this morning. Thank you for writing and for your honesty and most of all reminding me, and all of us what we are looking forward to the very most…being with the One who holds us now and forever with joy and grace.

  37. “Good to the last drop”…or the last word in this case. Though the news from the perspective of earthly outcomes seems anything but good, love for and from the One who is Good pours through your every word. It flooded my heart and mind with His Goodness. Wow!

    I also was blessed this week by technology in that I could listen from afar to the training session on Heaven. Thank you for the gift of your teaching and sharing your enthusiasm.

    Prayers continue.

  38. I finished reading! Hating the brain Mri results and praying over next steps!

    Amazed at the resilience of your body and your spirit. Love you dearly.

    Sent from my iPhone

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  39. Sweet Jen…I’m so sorry for your roller coaster…praying for you, your dear Grandma and Scott and Lincoln…asking God to strengthen all of you
    love – tawney

  40. I read to the end, and always do because you teach my heart as you walk this journey!! Praying always! And, by the way, we used to have those very chaise lounge chairs at the lake, and trust me, it was just waiting to break!!

  41. still reading 😉 i’m so bummed you had such a hard and roller coaster week! Enough is enough already! And at the very same time, grateful to our God who is in all the details. love you & praying for all the details. xo >

  42. And don’t forget about the goodness of that awesome arm sleeve!! I love all those pics, love seeing Linc in the house and continue to pray. And am praying for your Grandma. Y’all are one-of-a-kind special and cut from the same cloth.

  43. Jennifer, I’m not sure if you remember me. I am Todd Scott’s aunt. I want you to know how much of an inspiration you are to me and so many others. You are such a mighty woman of God. I’m praying for you and your family. I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this but I know God is in control.

  44. Always glorifying the Lord, Jenn, although you have not heard from me this whole time I have been reading, praying, praying and reading. I still remember two very impactful interactions I had with you probably over 10 years ago. One memory that I relive over and over is when you led a Bible study at Watermark to probably over 200 women and talked about being 30 something and single and how you made sure to wear an appropriate bathing suit one time as a single female, living righteously always. At that time, I think many of us single 30 somethings felt we would never meet our Godly man nor have a child/our own family. As I know you do, I thank God for Scott and your little snuggle bug, whom I will try not to eat him up because he is so cute as you suggested. You have literally been my Godly “human limited” role model for over 10 years. I was, am and will be forever changed by you for all my days on earth and when I get to heaven. I just wanted you to know that you are inspiring more people than you even are aware of to better serve our Lord of Lords! Continued prayers from me and much love, Mellie

  45. Read every word! Thank you for sharing real life with us. I like knowing how to pray for you, and how people following after God handle real life issues with confidence and strength betting their very lives that God is great and He is good!

  46. oh my word. Girl. Jesus does have you and your peopel in his hands. I’m so sorry for the pain of all this, but I know Jesus can keep you even in those moments. Try to take it easy on the lawn furniture and you will be in my prayers. hugs

  47. I have followed your blog for over a year now. I do not know you personally, but sure feel like I do. And I wish I did know you personally! I am continually amazed at your faithfulness, honesty and positive attitude. You have touched me with your deep relationship with God and made me desire to seek him more completely and to look for the lessons he tries to provide us in every little thing in our lives. You are an amazingly strong person and I am so sad that you are having to endure such a battle. Yesterday I listened to your Heaven 101 discussion, and I can’t tell you how nice it was to hear your actual voice. Thanks you for sharing your journey with all the honesty and truth that you do. You are such a special child of God!
    With love from a sister in Christ, Terri.

  48. Read to the end and much prefer a long blog update of yours to a lot of the other stuff I find myself reading on the web. This is where the rubber meets the road for faith and I hope to have a set of tires like this myself. Not sure I do yet. Also listened to your teaching on Heaven. It was great encouragement to me. Praying for you and your family.

  49. Absolutely love your ministry as the Lord continues to use you to reach out to the rest of us!!! My prayers continue to ask for miracles in your life, regardless what they might be. You are the Godly example we all desire to be. Thank you for your perseverance and writing to us when you could be sleeping!-:)

  50. I just love you Jen and you don’t even know me. I always read every word and lift you up through the tears to The Holy One. May HE bless your days. I selfishly hope there are many many more.

  51. You bless me with every word you write! I do read all the way to the bottom! Praying for you and your family right now!

  52. Jenn, reading and praying with so many others! I’m blessed to know you as you are such a hero of the faith. I admire your strength, perseverance and hope as you endure some awful trials. It makes my trials pale in comparison and I can’t say I’ve been able to respond with your strength. Thank you for being so transparent, yet a great encourager that He’s still in charge on the throne. Love you!

  53. Wow – I have no idea where to begin, you are more eloquent, insightful and inspiring at 2:39 AM than … well, anyone ! Your unrelenting strength of body and spirit along your willingness to share it is a gift to all that follow your journey. I have shared and discussed you blog with those close to me, since I don’t know you at all the common question is why do you follow, to them I think it seems morose, following another persons “tragedy” ( and some might say creepy!) My response is “I know what you mean but if you read Jenns posts, I guarantee that while you wish she didn’t have to go through this, you will never find a more inspiring person! ” Jenn I hope you realize how much you are giving your friends (and followers). Thank you for show us how to face anything! Also best to your dear grandmother and good for her, making her own choices!

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  54. Jen – thanks for sharing your journey and your amazing faith that inspires me and so many others. I’m continuing to pray for you, your sweet family and Grandma. 🙂

  55. You are the most beautiful person. You have no idea how you are changing my perspective on life, heaven and my purpose. I read every post in detail. I cry, laugh and learn from every post.
    You are amazing and so loved.

  56. Your strength blows me away. I admire your courage and how you never waiver in your faith. I look for updates every day. Your always in my prayers. 💗

  57. Continuing to pray for you sister. Your heroic faith is marvelous to watch, yet the painful journey is so hard for me to hear. May He continue to be your comfort.

  58. I’ve never met you but I have followed your journey for quite some time. Thank you for allowing us to walk along side you in this difficult journey. I pray for you and your family regularly. Your insight, truthfulness and humor bring glory to our King Jesus. Much love from Oklahoma.

  59. Oh honey, it only took me 2 kleenexes to get thru this but it was well worth it. I’m praying for you & your family every day. Good gosh, I love your ability to be so happy and upbeat sounding thru all of this and thank God for that. I love, love, love the pictures-especially the s’mores one.

  60. Read it all and just so blessed to be able to witness your amazing love for Jesus and your family. Your faith through all of this is simply amazing. God does have you in His hands and I am praying Angels surround you and yours to give you strength to face all that each of you face. Thank you for blessing us with your story and being a witness.

  61. Read it to the end, and no, I’m not one of your Mom’s but just a friend who dearly loves you and admires you to no end. God DOES have you in His very capable hands, and your story calls me and many others to follow you as you faithfully depend on HIM every day.

  62. YOU, my friend, are literally a “novel in a sea of magazines.” And this is a very good thing…substance, breadth, depth and length matter. NOVEL ON…
    LOVE!

  63. Thank you for the update. I always read every word in your posts and I am in constant amazement of your endless faith faith and positive attitude. I am so sorry this has been such a painful battle, but trust that God is doing BIG things through your story. Your posts have served as such a huge encouragement for me. Prayers for you, Scott, and Lincoln!

  64. Hi! I am here! I read and I pray for you! You are a beautiful soul and your perseverance and strength is so inspiring! If we have God with us, why fear? HE is taking care of us, always! It is beautiful seeing you with your little boy!Prayers for your family, your sweet boy, your husband and for you!

  65. So thankful for an update, Of course I made it all the way through!! Oh, the glory you give our Father is incredible. Grateful that you share your life with us, Jen, totally inspirational. ❤

  66. I feel compelled (like many others) to report that I read every single word of this post & all of your posts for that matter. And I listened to the Heaven 101 podcast as well. I love you so much & treasure all that I have learned from you in the past & now in this current season once again. Thank you for sharing your heart & life with us. Our little family prays for you together every night before bedtime & we will continue!

  67. You are going to be SO surprised at how many of us want every detail you are willing to share. So sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way, but as you said, hopefully, it will never happen again. Praying for you and praising Him with you. God bless, sister!

  68. You have been given incredible gifts of faith, endurance, humor, & joy that encourage me so. Continuing to pray as your continue to fight, my friend!! xoxo

  69. Needed to hear your words today in Tennessee. Praying for you today. Thank you for sharing your journey with us – it is rippling all over! Big hugs!

  70. Jen,

    I know we haven’t met but we are sisters in Christ. I am so thankful for other friends who have talked about you In Watermark’s Womens Bible Study to lead me to your blog. I’ve been praying and thanking the Lord for your boldness to take time to do a blog and even to hold a class on heaven!! What?! As a nurse I want to call you crazy but as a believer you’ve convicted my heart on what I long for. We believe that He holds it all and I will continue to pray that He will continue to guide you on this journey.

    A song for your journey today

    Victoria Cano

  71. I read it all — twice actually! It was so beautifully written that it was hard to let it go after the first pass. I don’t even know what to say as we don’t know each other and I don’t want to sound like a stalker 🙂 but I just really admire your faithfulness and joy in the Lord, and it’s very inspiring. I wish you didn’t have cancer and never had (beautiful/painful/emotional/exhausting to me and I didn’t even live through them) cancer updates to blog about, but I love reading your updates and I love your love for Christ. And I’m praying for you all.

  72. Goodness, Jennifer!!!! What a week!!!! I hope you are pain free again and that your sweet grandmother is too. All she needs now is headlice to round out the experience. I’m thinking of you as always and praying for you. Xoxo

  73. I am so honored to have been among the people enjoying the presence of God as we celebrated the hope of God. A perfect summary. Bless you Jennifer and your family.

  74. You amaze me that you can write so much and with such clarity and detail – and even photos! I feel honored to read your posts and have the opportunity to pray for you!!! Xoxo

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